I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
