I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
