he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
