does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
please don't ironically join a cult
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