no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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