I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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