So many bounce houses so little time
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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