My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
