You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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