youre lurking in front of me
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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