ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
