Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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