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Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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