I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
