I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
