How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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