It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
this hospital has no fireball
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
