Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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