So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
