its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
