I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
