Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you had me at cake vodka
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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