i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
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I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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