And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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