I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
