No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
