I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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