I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
