I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
