this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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