dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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