The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
