Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Alive.
So much puke
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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