she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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