my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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