R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
