But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
