I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
