well you can't waste a boner
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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