I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
