There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
