im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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