Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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