eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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