I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
