dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
