Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
