He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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