I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
