he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
