I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am naked and annoyed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
