Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Randomize
