Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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