Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
