Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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