Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
