My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
