forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I want is dick and wine.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize