So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
