It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
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is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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