Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
