summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
