She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
