well I can't set my house on fire every night
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am one with the molecules
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
