Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
