I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
