Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
