he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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