Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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